Just a Regular Thief
by AlchemyRepose
Summary: A short warm-up fic that was originally intended to be a drabble. Sanji discovers that a thief was attempting to steal from the fridge, and fails to stop the mysterious intruder.


Sanji ran one of his kitchen knives along the sharpening steel a final time, the grating sound filling the previously quiet kitchen. He inspected the blade, then set it down and put the sharpening steel away in a drawer. He adjusted his unlit cigarette in his mouth and began to prepare the meal for the evening. Behind him, the door was opened and slammed shut. By his gait and by the way he'd slammed the door, Sanji could tell it was Zoro. He'd been expecting him at this time, anyway.

"Serve yourself some. You know where it is." Sanji said before Zoro could even think of forming the words, 'Cook, booze.' Without a word, Zoro stalked over to the refridgerator and pulled out a bottle of sake. The swordsman stopped, resting his arm on top of the fridge.

"Someone's been messing with the lock. Was that you?"

"Hm?" Sanji turned, frowning a little.

"Look."

"Just tell me what's wrong with it."

"I said what's wrong with it, someone's been messing with it."

"Is it from Luffy? Was Usopp trying to pick-lock it?"

"More like someone was trying to use a knife." Sanji put down the knife he was using and went over to Zoro, putting his hand on top of the fridge and leaning over to look at the lock. Zoro shoved him a little so he could see. "You're right. Usopp wouldn't use a knife, and neither would Luffy." Sanji straightened and thoughtfully held his cigarette, frowning. "I can set a trap tonight, then maybe we'll catch them. In any case, it's not a problem for dinnertime." Zoro took his booze and left the kitchen, and Sanji returned to cooking.

After dinner, as promised, Sanji set a trap. In fact, he set several. "No one tries to steal our food and gets away with it," he swore as he set them. He promptly went off to bed, determined to catch the would-be thief in the morning.

As Sanji shuffled into the kitchen in the early morning light, he'd temporarily forgotten about the traps, until he spotted them by the fridge. All of them had been, not triggered, but carefully taken apart and each part neatly laid out on the kitchen floor. The lock had a new gash in it, and with another look at it, he realized that there were three other, older gashes, each radiating outward from the center of the lock. He unlocked the fridge, checking to see if everything was still there. Nothing seemed to be disturbed, but a bottle of sake, which was tipped over onto its side, and a note had been left. Sanji grabbed the note, read it, and scratched his head. "One more night, huh? Well, I'll catch them tonight." He didn't mention anything to the other crew members, and instead of going to bed, he waited in the kitchen.

It was a dark night, with no moon. Sanji heard the door open, and someone creep in. He waited until they had gotten to the fridge before getting quietly to his feet. He lit his cigarette calmly so that the intruder would notice him, and slowly advanced on them.

"You think you can steal from us, huh..?" He raised his foot and brought it down on their head. A familiar cry rang out, one he recognized as Usopp's.

"S-Sanji! Wh-Wh-What are you doing here?!" Usopp whirled around, holding his head, on the verge of tears on account of the pain.

"I could ask you the same!" Snarled Sanji. "Are you the only who's been trying to break into the fridge?"

"N-No! Someone's been trying to break into the fridge?" Usopp got to his feet. "I just wanted a bite to eat..." whimpered Usopp. Sanji ignored him and puffed on his cigarette.

"Go away. I'm trying to catch a thief." The door opened again, but only slightly.

"Oi, Usopp, did you shut the door all the way?" Sanji shivered as a cold wind blew over him. He went to turn on the lights, but the switch did nothing. "What the..?"

"S-S-Sanji-!" Wheezed Usopp, pointing at the door. "L-Look!" A purplish smoke was drifting in along the ground, snaking around the door towards the fridge as if it had a mind of its own. The kitchen was filled with a strong, sweet smell.

"What is this?" Sanji covered his mouth, the smell getting too strong to bear. Black splotches began to apear in his vision, and he collapsed. Usopp had already blacked out, and soon Sanji was unconcious as well.

Sanji awoke as the morning sun hit his face. He leapt up, quickly remembering the events of last night. He grabbed the straps of Usopp's overalls, shaking him awake.

"Wake up, you idiot!"

"Wh-Wha-?" Usopp held his head, confused, as Sanji pushed him aside and looked at the fridge. The lock had been shattered completely, and the entire contents of the fridge were gone, save for a note.

"Seems you couldn't get the better of my incense fruit-Better luck next time!" Sanji read the note aloud, before crumpling it up in his hand.

"Sanji!" Nami's voice boomed across the ship as she burst into the kitchen. "Zoro told me that there was an intruder the other night- and you didn't both to tell us!" Nami marched forward and grabbed Sanji's collar. "All of our money is gone! All of it, all of our gold! What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Th-The food's gone too, Nami-swan..." Said Sanji weakly. Nami dropped him and sank to her knees.

"Ooh," She wailed in despair. "Why me? Why me?"

The crew, having to resort to catching fish, largely blamed Sanji for their predicament and gave him no end of humiliation.


End file.
